I even went as far as to become a foster parent. I really wanted to adopt but here in Texas, you won't be able to adopt a child from the system without being licensed to be a foster parent. I never did hear back from them. Anyway. I think that I didn't become a parent for a number of reasons. Primarily, because I don't want to screw my kid up. Many of my friends swear up and down that I would be a good dad. I halfway agree. I mean, I know that I would be there for them and support them in ways that I wasn't. I'm just really afraid.
The way that the world is now, I know that I can't shelter them from everything. I also don't want to be that overprotective parent. How do you allow your child to have the freedom to experience life, but still keep them close? Then there's the fact that I have mental issues. I suffer from depression and some days it is so hard to get out of bed and face the day, let alone myself. If I'm a parent, I'm second. My child comes first. I would really have to push through the depression and take care of my child. That is something that I hope they never have to see.
I really don't know why I'm concerned about that. It really isn't as if I'm going to be a parent. Uncle? Yes. Dad?-- nah... Some things are just not in the cards for some people, and I honestly don't think parenthood is in mine. If so, I'm pretty sure it would have happened by now.
A friend of mine was pregnant with twins, and was extremely gracious enough to give one to me. Unfortunately, she lost them. So looking at the track record: Failed adoption, non-existent foster parent, and miscarriage. Maybe the universe is trying to tell me something. Maybe I should just become a teacher and have kids in my life that way. Or possibly volunteer in after school programs or be a mentor. Maybe I'm not to have a child of my own, but make positive impacts in other kids lives.
Who knows? I do know that once I hit 35, that's it. I don't plan on trying to adopt again or have kids in any capacity once I hit that age.
Thanks for reading.